25th January 2016 – One telephone call that changes my world forever.

I answer my mobile, a call from a paediatrician who we saw back in December with William for ‘routine tests’. After being asked if I was on my own or someone was with me (I was alone doing the kids lunch after picking William up from pre-school) – she informs me that my son has high CK levels and is required to be under urgent care at GOSH.

“What is CK?”

“It’s creatine, muscle levels”… That is all…. She told me nothing else so I asked her:

“Is he going to die?”

Her response: “I can’t go into the detail”

That wasn’t No

She tells me my son is required to be seen by GOSH ASAP – yet for what reason I do not know.

She hangs up. I google ‘High CK levels’.

My world dies.

I call Matt, who is at work in Chiswick, he sets off to come home on the train.

I call my parents, they set off to come to see me with Ben – they’d been taking him for lunch for his Birthday in London.

I call a number of friends, lukily one answers and she pops over as I can’t cope feeding the kids whilst hiding my tears – I physically cannot hide my tears or emotions; thank you Ruth.

Matt called the paediatrician who telephoned me within an hour of her calling me with the ‘news’ to find out more. She had gone on holiday! She’d made that call, ruined my life, closed down her computer and gone on annual leave. Heartless.

Certain words were strongly said whilst he stood on Finsbury Park platform to another consultant. Her senior colleague still couldn’t / wouldn’t tell us anything. Thanks for that.

I vowed to NEVER see or speak to this paediatrician again.

I crumble like I have never done before. I breastfeed my baby girl, I hug my son tight and I cry so much. If you’ve heard the expression crying yourself dry, that was me, a thousand times over.

One day, my whole beautiful world is turned upside down, forever.