I’ve secretly had a very hard month – I’m hiding it mainly because I’m scared of what it may be. I’m also fed up and scared of people being bored of me; I’m not the fun loving person I used to be. I’ve got to accept that maybe I won’t have as many friends; definitely not as many play dates – that’s always a hard one. Not once have I had a random ‘my child likes your child’ comment from someone I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong though, I have lovely play dates with my friends who in turn, their children are William’s friends.

Anyway, the reason I’m feeling it this month; William has had a couple of ‘leg buckling’ incidents in the last month. Now, he may just be tired; getting over nirovirus; or it may be his duchenne. I don’t know, and that’s half the battle / worry. We’re off to Gosh next week so I’ve a list of questions.

I’ve not slept for about 4 nights, well I have but that’s been about 2.30-5am. Phoebe’s waking early too! Maybe she knows mummy doesn’t need sleep right now!!

I’m hyper sensitive; Valentine’s Day really doesn’t help!

By the by; it’s been rough, it is bloody tough and if I could just explain to everyone that I WANT to be ME again but I have the most almighty pain and future vision that just hurts and pains in a way I cannot describe.

I’m sorry, I hope to be me again and I really hope to keep you as a friend.